How to Talk About Money Before Marriage: A Practical Guide for Pinoy Couples

Money is one of the top reasons marriages fail, but most Filipino couples avoid talking about it until after the wedding. It feels awkward to bring up salaries, debts, or spending habits when you’re in love. You might worry about seeming materialistic or ruining the romance.

Having these conversations before marriage is responsible. You’re planning to build a life together, and money affects every part of that life. Where you’ll live, whether you can have kids, how you’ll support aging parents, whether you can afford emergencies - all of this depends on how you handle money as a couple.

The couples who talk about money early tend to have fewer fights about it later. They set expectations, understand each other’s backgrounds, and create systems that work for both people. The couples who avoid the topic end up blindsided by debt, resentful about spending, or shocked by different financial priorities.

In this guide, you’ll learn how to start money conversations with your partner, what topics you need to cover, and how to create a financial plan together. These conversations aren’t always comfortable, but they’re necessary for a strong marriage.

Why Filipino Couples Avoid Money Talks

There are specific cultural reasons why money discussions feel especially difficult for Filipino couples.

We’re Taught Money Is Private

Filipino culture treats money as a sensitive topic. Asking someone about their salary feels invasive. Discussing debts seems embarrassing. Many people were raised to believe that talking about money is rude or inappropriate.

This works fine when you’re dating casually, but it becomes a problem when you’re planning marriage. You can’t build a shared financial life while keeping your finances completely private from each other.

Fear of Being Judged

You might worry that your partner will think less of you if they find out you have debt, earn less than them, or made poor financial decisions in the past. This fear is real, but avoiding the conversation doesn’t make these issues disappear.

If your partner is going to judge you harshly for your financial situation, better to find out before marriage than after. A good partner will work with you on solutions, not shame you for past mistakes.

Different Family Expectations

Filipino families often have expectations about financial support. Your partner might be sending money to parents every month. You might be expected to help siblings with school. These obligations won’t go away after marriage, and they need to be discussed.

Avoiding this topic leads to resentment later when one person feels their family is being prioritized over the marriage.

When to Start the Conversation

Timing matters. You don’t need to discuss your entire financial history on the third date, but you shouldn’t wait until wedding planning to bring it up either.

Before Getting Engaged

Once you’re seriously discussing marriage, it’s time to talk about money. This means before the proposal, before telling families, before ring shopping. You need to know if you’re financially compatible before committing to marriage.

This doesn’t mean you need to be in perfect financial shape. It means you need to be honest about where you are and aligned on where you want to go.

Start With Small Conversations

You don’t have to cover everything in one intense discussion. Start with smaller money topics as they come up naturally:

When splitting bills on dates
When discussing future goals
When one of you mentions a financial stress
When planning a trip together

These casual conversations build comfort with the topic before you have the bigger, more serious discussions.

Make It Official

Eventually, set aside dedicated time for a full money conversation. Don’t try to have this talk right before bed, during a fight, or when one of you is stressed. Pick a calm time when you can both focus.

“I think we should talk about our finances since we’re planning a future together. Can we set aside time this weekend to discuss it?”

The Essential Money Topics to Cover

Here are the specific things you need to discuss before marriage.

Current Income and Debts

Both of you need to be honest about:

How much you earn monthly
Any debts you’re carrying (credit cards, personal loans, student loans, family loans)
Your credit score or credit history if applicable

You need to understand the complete financial picture you’re entering marriage with. If your partner has ₱200,000 in credit card debt, you need to know that before combining finances.

Spending Habits and Money Values

Talk about how you each view money:

Are you a saver or a spender?
What do you consider worth spending on?
What feels like a waste of money to you?
How do you feel about debt?
What does financial security mean to you?

These values often come from how you were raised. Someone who grew up with financial instability might be very cautious with money. Someone who grew up comfortable might spend more freely. Neither is wrong, but you need to understand each other.

Family Financial Obligations

Be specific about family support:

Are you currently sending money to family?
How much and how often?
Do you expect this to continue after marriage?
Are there upcoming family expenses you’re expected to contribute to?
How do you feel about your partner supporting their family?

This is often the most emotionally charged topic because it involves loyalty to family versus commitment to your marriage. You need to find a balance that works for both of you.

Financial Goals

Discuss what you want to achieve financially:

Do you want to buy a house? When?
Do you want children? How many?
What kind of lifestyle do you want?
How important is saving versus spending now?
When do you want to retire?

Make sure your major goals align. If one person wants to live simply and retire early while the other wants a luxurious lifestyle, you have a fundamental conflict to work through.

How You’ll Manage Money Together

Decide on the practical details:

Will you combine all money or keep some separate?
Who will handle bill payments and budgeting?
How much can each person spend without discussing it with the other?
How will you make major financial decisions?

There’s no one right answer. Some couples combine everything. Some keep separate accounts and split expenses. What matters is finding a system you both agree on.

Common Money Management Systems for Couples

Here are three approaches Filipino couples often use.

Fully Combined Finances

All income goes into shared accounts. All expenses come from shared accounts. You budget and make decisions together.

Works well when:

Both partners earn similar amounts
You have similar spending habits
You trust each other completely
You’re both willing to discuss all purchases

Challenges:

Less individual freedom
Requires constant communication
Can feel controlling if one person earns significantly more

Proportional Contribution

Each person contributes to shared expenses based on their income. If one person earns ₱40,000 and the other earns ₱60,000, they might split bills 40/60. The rest stays in personal accounts.

Works well when:

Income levels are different
You want some financial independence
You agree on what counts as shared expenses

Challenges:

Requires calculating and tracking contributions
Can create resentment if not implemented fairly
Individual debts remain individual problems

Yours, Mine, and Ours

Three account system: individual accounts for each person plus a joint account for shared expenses. Each person contributes a set amount to the joint account monthly.

Works well when:

You want both independence and shared responsibility
You have different spending habits
You’re okay with some financial privacy

Challenges:

More complex to manage
Requires agreement on what’s shared versus individual
Can feel less unified

You might start with one system and switch to another as your situation changes. What works when you’re newlyweds might not work when you have kids.

How to Handle Disagreements

You won’t agree on everything. Here’s how to work through financial conflicts.

Focus on Goals, Not Judgments

Instead of “You spend too much on eating out,” try “Can we talk about our food budget? I’m worried we’re not saving enough for our house fund.”

Frame disagreements around shared goals rather than personal attacks. You’re on the same team working toward the same future.

Compromise on Priorities

If one person wants to save aggressively and the other wants to enjoy life now, find a middle ground. Maybe you save 30% instead of 50%, but you also don’t eat out five times a week.

Both people need to give a little. No one gets everything they want, but both people should feel heard.

Set Rules for Big Purchases

Agree on a threshold where you need to discuss before buying. Maybe anything over ₱5,000 requires a conversation. This prevents surprise purchases from causing fights.

Review Regularly

Set up monthly or quarterly money check-ins. Review your budget, discuss upcoming expenses, celebrate progress toward goals. Regular communication prevents small issues from becoming big resentments.

Red Flags to Watch For

Some financial issues are warning signs of bigger problems.

Lying About Money

If your partner hides debts, lies about income, or makes secret purchases, that’s a major red flag. Financial dishonesty often indicates other trust issues.

You need transparency about significant debts, income, and spending. Perfect accounting of every peso isn’t necessary, but hiding major financial information is a serious problem.

Refusing to Discuss Money

If your partner completely shuts down money conversations or gets angry when you try to discuss finances, that’s a problem. You can’t build a financial life with someone who won’t talk about money.

Extreme Views on Control

If your partner insists on controlling all money decisions without your input, or demands complete independence without any shared financial planning, those are warning signs.

Healthy couples find balance. Extreme control or extreme independence both cause problems.

Addiction or Compulsive Behavior

If your partner has gambling problems, shopping addiction, or can’t control spending despite wanting to, they need help before marriage. These are behavioral health issues that won’t improve on their own and require professional intervention.

Creating Your Financial Plan Together

Once you’ve discussed everything, create a concrete plan.

Set Short and Long-term Goals

Write down what you want to achieve:

Emergency fund by end of year
Pay off credit card in 18 months
Save for wedding in 24 months
Down payment for condo in 5 years

Having clear, shared goals makes it easier to stay motivated and make financial decisions together.

Create a Budget Together

Build a budget that reflects both your incomes and your shared expenses. Decide how much goes to:

Housing
Food
Transportation
Savings
Debt payments
Individual spending money
Family support

Both people need input. This is your shared financial plan, not one person telling the other what to do.

Assign Responsibilities

Decide who handles what:

Who pays bills?
Who tracks the budget?
Who handles insurance and investments?
When do you review finances together?

Play to your strengths, but both people should understand the complete financial picture even if one person handles day-to-day management.

Plan for the Unexpected

Discuss what happens if:

One person loses their job
Someone gets sick
Family needs emergency help
Income changes significantly

Having these conversations before crisis hits makes it easier to handle problems calmly when they arise.

Moving Forward

Talking about money with your partner before marriage requires ongoing dialogue throughout your relationship. The conversation continues and evolves as your life together changes.

The first conversation is the hardest. After that, talking about money becomes normal. You build trust, understanding, and a shared approach to managing your financial life together.

Don’t expect perfection. You’ll make mistakes, have disagreements, and need to adjust your plans. That’s normal. What matters is that you’re communicating honestly and working together.

Marriage is a partnership in every way, including financially. The couples who thrive are the ones who treat money as a team sport, working together toward shared goals. Start building that foundation now, before the wedding, and you’ll save yourself countless fights and frustrations later.

Your financial compatibility matters as much as your emotional compatibility. Take the time to get this right, and you’ll build a stronger marriage from the start.